I am Jason: Slayer of Countertops

August 16, 2009


It’s not often I get to use the reciprocating saw. But there is a big empty space now where the kitchen counters used to be. They will be replaced this week, after which I will experiment with kitchen sink-installing. I am not proficient in the plumbing, so that will be an adventure.

Macy says hello to the Quaedamers

April 4, 2008


FROM JASON’S GNAW-MARKED SOFA — This little monster is the reason (one of them) that updates have been sparse on the ol’ blag this week.

Many of you will remember that my wife and I adopted Macy, the canine poop factory, a couple of months ago. Well, she’s potty trained now but demands a lot of attention these days because she’s teething and testing the house rules about which objects she may chew to ribbons.

Don’t be fooled: She’s my good little girl. Her head’s resting my lap while I type this. She just needs to learn to channel her energy, and a lot of that puppy trouble will disappear once she loses her baby teeth, the vet tells me. We’ll see, Mister Vet. We’ll see.

Also, I recently sold my house and need to hand over the keys June 4. That means I have been feverishly working to find a newer, nicer house with more room — and I need to find it fast or risk the dreaded double-move. I’ve been touring houses for sale like mad this week, and that’s draining precious blag time.

Anyway, Andrew and I have a shit-ton we want to talk about, including a great (?) new web game we’ve discovered, a recent DS release, how his girlfriend’s musical tastes are clearly superior to his, and a tactical fantasy game that Andrew loves and I won’t play.

It’s all coming, dog-gone-it.

It’s coming: The Week of Cartoons draws nigh

March 21, 2008

THE BOOK OF JASON Ch. 8 v. 7-10: And lo, the waters parted and there stood before Him a multitude of the shows of the 1980s. And they were animated. The LORD thy Jason looked upon them and said, “It is good.” And the drawings did move, and did they battle with each other.

Seven days. Seven brands of awesome.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull trailer

February 14, 2008

FROM JASON’S NAPPING DOG — Sorry it’s been quiet on the blag lately. I’ve been potty training the damn dog and Andrew’s been studying, and neither one of us have had much spare time.

To make up for it, here’s the Indiana Jones IV trailer released by Paramount earlier today. Get your nerd on.

New and improved! Capable of up to 14 turds a day!

February 5, 2008

macie.pngFROM JASON’S FRESH NEW HELL — Wrapped in my big comforter Sunday morning, I was having a great, warm, sexy dream until 10:03 a.m.

That’s when my wife woke me by singing a little song, making up lyrics as she went along about how she wanted a little puppy friend to mother. My wife is insufferably cute, and she batted her eyelashes.

The next thing I knew, I was standing at the pet store adopting a stray puppy and holding $160 worth of food, chew toys, leashes, bedding, and caging. The little German shepherd/labrador mix slept in my arms all the way home, pushing its nose into my shoulder.

Then the pooping started.

shitted.pngYou’ll notice the ol’ blag was a little thin over the weekend. That’s because I spent it chasing the dog around and trying to convince it that turds belong on newspaper, not on hardwood floors and expensive, custom-made throw rugs. Apparently, my urgent pleas meant nothing, because two days later I have nearly exhausted my portable Bissell steam cleaner.

Let’s do a quick tally for Monday alone:

Number of times Macie (the wife picked the name) dooked on my floors: 8
Number of times Macie crapped on the newspaper: 3
Number of times Macie shat outside: 3
Total Macie dumps between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m.: 14
Additional Macie piddles on my rugs: 2
Number of times a cat vomited on the rug in the same period: 1
Number of times Macie tried to eat said cat puke before I could clean it up: 2
Yes, she’s cute. Yes, I hold her constantly. Yes, she watched three episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation with me today while she wasn’t dropping nuclear waste all over my house.

Yes, I am acting macho and complaining about training to cover up my non-manly feelings for a dog. Yes, I spent far too damned much time drawing that floor plan of my house.

Yes, here is another picture.

British Trekkies mention Quaedam (but not by name)

January 22, 2008

FROM JASON’S FRIENDS IN ALBION — Podcasters Richard Smith and Michael Dawson briefly mentioned your favorite blag (this one, damnit) on a recent episode of Make It So, a weekly podcast about Star Trek.

The two Treksters somewhat grudgingly talked about Star Trek: Of Gods and Men, which we reviewed after Christmas. Listen to the episode here:

I can’t recommend Make It So and its sister podcasts enough. Movies You Should See was the first one that I listened to religiously, and do to this day. The gang is quite whitty — even for Europeans. :D

Getting back to business… slowly

January 7, 2008

FROM JASON’S POST-HOLIDAY PLAYTIME — Sorry about that. There was a bit of a dead week on the ol’ blag there while Andrew and I played with our new toys. Waiting under the TV for me was Star Trek: The Next Generation seasons one and two, Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga, Guitar Hero 1 and 2 (I already had GH3), and some other little distractions that have been keeping me occupied.

If you’re nerdy enough to be reading this blog, you’re probably familiar with all the above titles. There are reviews a-plenty out there on teh Intarwebs, so I’ll keep my thoughts short:

Three minutes on TNG

I thought briefly about blogging every single Trekisode here, but thought that was kind of pointless while Wil Wheaton — boy genius Wesley Crusher himself — does that with much keener insight over at TV Squad.

A few thoughts, though: This is the first time I’m watching many of the oldest TNG episodes since I was a small boy, and I’m finding the early seasons to be lovably fumbling. It’s clear that the producers initially wanted to stick to the old 1960s camp formula; you can see them stumbling along with bad costumes, overt musical cues ripped straight from the Shatner era, terrible wash planet horizons and foam landscapes, and… well, frankly… some of the gayest shiny 1980s clothing plastered on poor alien males.

It’s also pretty transparent how much they were playing up Tasha Yar as a sex symbol early on, throwing her into skimpy clothing and suggestive lines every chance the producers had. She also displays some jealousy over Riker that makes me wonder if there were some plans to couple the two that panned when Denise Crosby left the show. Troi would later get that vixen status with fans — though I never found her attractive in the least — once she donned that unitard. In season one, though, they have her decked out with an almost Persian look that I suppose is meant to be Betazoid.

legostarwars.jpgA brief word on Lego Star Wars

The Complete Saga for the Nintendo DS does what it promises — it brings the existing titles to a new platform — but little else. I’ll be blunt: If this weren’t Legos and if it weren’t Star Wars, I wouldn’t want to play. But since it is, and it is, respectively… I had an enormous amount of fun.

The game mechanics can be kind of sloppy and repetitive. There are some camera problems, save points are far, far too scarce (especially for a portable title), and it can be pretty tedious blasting every single thing in every single level.

That’s why I’m happy that this game isn’t about gameplay. It’s not really, admit it — it’s about nostalgia, collecting, and light comic relief. Lego Star Wars is about unlocking all of the playable characters — and there are dozens — so you can rush through levels with an unstoppable team of Darth Maul, Mace Windu, a snowtrooper, Wicket, Greedo, R2D2, and C3PO… and maybe a custom character cobbled together from spare Lego people parts.

This time around, some stylus mini-games make collecting studs (moneys) a little more convenient, so unlocking ghost Yoda only takes something on the order of two or three hours. (It’s totally worth it, by the way. Yoda hobbles around super-slowly until he draws his saber, and then he’s by far the fastest character in the game, zipping around acrobatically and bouncing off multiple enemies.)

Of course, I haven’t unlocked General Grievous yet, and he might well kick Yoda’s ass with his four lightsabers. We’ll see. I’m proud to report, though, that I have defeated Episodes I-VI all the way through. Now I must go back and get all the kit parts and mini-games.


A few notes on Guitar Hero

If you haven’t played it by now….

Know this, all ye novices: Guitar Hero 2 is by far the superior entry into the franchise. I have beaten all three on medium and have started working my way (painfully and slowly) through the songs on hard level. I’ve discovered that GH2 is built more solidly, has better song selection, loads faster (all three on PS2), has the best mix of just-for-fun songs to challenging songs, and does the best job of teaching complex chords and use of the dreaded orange button.

This is the party game right now, and nearly everyone I know made it the centerpiece of New Year’s Eve 2007-2008. I’ve been to some lame New Year’s parties where alcohol was the only thing going on, and I can attest to this: Mix that booze with some kickin’ tunes, sweet licks, a 60-inch TV, and a bunch of beginners and Guitar Hero will get your party moving.

Word on the street is that Rock Band is going to dethrone Guitar Hero pretty quickly. I’ve only played that one for a handful of minutes (on the drums) and I think it might be true. But for now, Guitar Hero’s as good as gold and has provided me with a couple hundred hours of entertainment. I’d gladly keep accepting new entries into the franchise. Guitar Hero 12, here I come.