Good-bye Fruity Pebbles, hello Raisin Bran Crunch

FROM JASON’S CERAMIC BOWL — Count Chocula is a hack. Cap’n Crunch is all washed up. Lucky the Leprechaun is clearly a pedophile. And I’m pretty sure Tony the Tiger is dead.

The best cereal in the world doesn’t have a mascot. It has two scoops and a delicious, sugary coating that ensures crunchiness.

Now, I don’t often endorse commercial products, or even really care about them. But in-between keystrokes, I’m scooping oversized spoons of Raisin Bran Crunch into my mouth. I can’t stop. This is my third bowl. I am in love.

Where has this cereal been all my life? Think of all those years I wasted, suffering through soggy regular Raisin Bran as a teenager, pouring lumps of sugar into the bowl to try to offset the weak wheat flavor that no sun-ripened grapes could ever mask.

This is how I know I am an adult: when I was a child, cereal served as just a vehicle for enough sugar to fuel my hyperactivity and ensure early onset diabetes. I wanted puffed rice saturated in corn syrup, then coated with rainbow-hued dyes:

I wanted loops of something that was probably fried corn dipped in three unique artificial flavors that tasted really nothing at all like cherry, orange, and lemon:

I wanted what ostensibly were marshmallows cut to look like clovers, clowns, robots, Pac-Man, vampire bats, balloons, or ghosts:

I wanted crushed cornmeal seeped in brown sugar- and honey-flavoring and treated to keep away the Soggies during sea-faring missions:

These days, I’m looking for an actual meal. No more Crunchberries. No more Cookie Crisp. No more Honeycomb, Marshmallow Crispies, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Cereal, Smurfberries, Frankenberries, Honey Smacks, C-P30’s, Urkel-O’s, Cocoa Krispies, or Apple Jacks.

As an adult, it’s all about getting bran that tastes decent and has a satisfying crunch, sun-dried fruit, and some granola clusters. I salute you, Raisin Bran Crunch.


3 Responses to Good-bye Fruity Pebbles, hello Raisin Bran Crunch

  1. linkigi says:

    I must agree. Raisin Bran Crunch is one of the most delicious (while still making some claims to be healthy) cereals in existence. I tend to eat Maple Mini-Wheats as well, but those become somewhat soggy by the end of the meal. Still, fiber.

  2. Güter says:

    GoLean Crunch, despite the terrible name, is my favorite cereal ever. It’s delicious, it’s fibery, and it’s like munching on burnt croutons until the very end (in a good way).

  3. Ro says:

    I honestly don’t eat cereal anymore. I’m all about Quaker Maple Brown & Sugar Weight Control oatmeal. I just need a hot breakfast.

    I eat cereal as a snack. I sometimes eat Cookie Crisp or Honey Combs in a cup, but no milk. My current favorite cereal snack is Honey Bunches of Oats with Strawberries. There is something about those dried strawberries that I can’t get enough of.

    As for Raisin Bran Crunch, I’m sorry but I cannot agree with you. Raisins are only good in oatmeal raisin cookies. I know it’s almost the same thing, but I just can’t eat raisins in cereal. I find raisins to be an odd thing. Perhaps it’s because I was traumatized as a child watching thing dancing California Raisins on TV. They always horrified the bejeezus out of me.

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