FROM JASON’S CERAMIC BOWL — Count Chocula is a hack. Cap’n Crunch is all washed up. Lucky the Leprechaun is clearly a pedophile. And I’m pretty sure Tony the Tiger is dead.
The best cereal in the world doesn’t have a mascot. It has two scoops and a delicious, sugary coating that ensures crunchiness.
Now, I don’t often endorse commercial products, or even really care about them. But in-between keystrokes, I’m scooping oversized spoons of Raisin Bran Crunch into my mouth. I can’t stop. This is my third bowl. I am in love.
Where has this cereal been all my life? Think of all those years I wasted, suffering through soggy regular Raisin Bran as a teenager, pouring lumps of sugar into the bowl to try to offset the weak wheat flavor that no sun-ripened grapes could ever mask.
This is how I know I am an adult: when I was a child, cereal served as just a vehicle for enough sugar to fuel my hyperactivity and ensure early onset diabetes. I wanted puffed rice saturated in corn syrup, then coated with rainbow-hued dyes:
I wanted loops of something that was probably fried corn dipped in three unique artificial flavors that tasted really nothing at all like cherry, orange, and lemon:
I wanted what ostensibly were marshmallows cut to look like clovers, clowns, robots, Pac-Man, vampire bats, balloons, or ghosts:
I wanted crushed cornmeal seeped in brown sugar- and honey-flavoring and treated to keep away the Soggies during sea-faring missions:
These days, I’m looking for an actual meal. No more Crunchberries. No more Cookie Crisp. No more Honeycomb, Marshmallow Crispies, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Cereal, Smurfberries, Frankenberries, Honey Smacks, C-P30′s, Urkel-O’s, Cocoa Krispies, or Apple Jacks.
As an adult, it’s all about getting bran that tastes decent and has a satisfying crunch, sun-dried fruit, and some granola clusters. I salute you, Raisin Bran Crunch.
I must agree. Raisin Bran Crunch is one of the most delicious (while still making some claims to be healthy) cereals in existence. I tend to eat Maple Mini-Wheats as well, but those become somewhat soggy by the end of the meal. Still, fiber.
GoLean Crunch, despite the terrible name, is my favorite cereal ever. It’s delicious, it’s fibery, and it’s like munching on burnt croutons until the very end (in a good way).
I honestly don’t eat cereal anymore. I’m all about Quaker Maple Brown & Sugar Weight Control oatmeal. I just need a hot breakfast.
I eat cereal as a snack. I sometimes eat Cookie Crisp or Honey Combs in a cup, but no milk. My current favorite cereal snack is Honey Bunches of Oats with Strawberries. There is something about those dried strawberries that I can’t get enough of.
As for Raisin Bran Crunch, I’m sorry but I cannot agree with you. Raisins are only good in oatmeal raisin cookies. I know it’s almost the same thing, but I just can’t eat raisins in cereal. I find raisins to be an odd thing. Perhaps it’s because I was traumatized as a child watching thing dancing California Raisins on TV. They always horrified the bejeezus out of me.